Pride and Relationships


I can literally summarize this blog by referencing one of my favorite movie scenes of all time. In the movie Pulp Fiction, Marsellus Wallace, played by Ving Rhames is speaking to Butch, played by Bruce Willis. During the course of their conversation, Marcellus explains to Butch how he wants him to throw the fight. He says “The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That’s pride fucking with you. F*** PRIDE. Pride only hurts, it never helps.”

In my opinion, those are some of the truest words ever spoken, even though it was in a movie. But the implications of that quote, the weight of those words resonate with me. Pride can sometimes serve as an inhibitor, meaning it may slow you down or interfere with your progression. We sometimes allow pride to pervade, or exist within our lives, in a way that can be detrimental to our being.  There have been times in my life that I missed out on various opportunities because I was too proud to ask for help, or to admit my faults, or to accept responsibility, etc. I have been mulling over various topics and thinking about how exactly I wanted to start off my very first blog.

At first I was going to just play it safe and write a quick intro of myself, explaining who I am, where I came from, where I’m at in life, where I’m trying to go, etc. But I felt so compelled about this topic once it hit me. I mentioned previously that this is something that resonates with me because I have been on both sides of the issue.  I have been the prideful person. I was that dude that you couldn’t tell a damn thing to, I was always right, everybody else was wrong. I didn’t need anyone to help me do s***. Very prideful, borderline narcissistic.

For those of you all that don’t know, my wife of the last five, going on six years, and I are ending our marriage. After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that it was pride that was at the core of our demise. There was a time when I didn’t speak too highly her. She was all types of the wrong woman, blankity, blank, sorry whatchamacallits, you name it, I probably called her that too.

But you know what, that was pride messing with me. That was pride telling me that I was the victim, that I did no wrong in my relationship. Pride wouldn’t allow me to see that it takes time for a relationship to progress. Pride wouldn’t allow me to admit that I was making mistakes or that I could’ve tried harder to communicate how I was feeling. Now don’t get it twisted, when things bothered me, I would let it be known, however, because I was so prideful and I was so full of my own negative energy, I didn’t convey that message in a tone that she could fully understand so that we can resolve any issues that we had.

I really didn’t want to get too personal or act is if I was airing out my dirt, but I felt like this was the only way I could explain my position and voice how I felt about pride and it’s place in relationships. There are some appropriate times when you may need to be prideful.  Sometimes you may have to protect the dignity of your name, or the safety of your family. But honestly I don’t see many benefits of allowing pride to overcome an intimate relationship.

Nobody is above anything in a relationship. When two people come together in front of God and confess their love for each other, that means that the two of you are now one. Holy matrimony or any other loving relationship, can only be successful if the two individuals balance one another. Now, I’m not naive, I know that there will be issues that arise in a relationship and cause for the members to have to dig deep into that basket and come up with a solution for their problem.

But in the end, the issue was resolved because both parties showed humility and were able to come to a compromise. What good is it if one person in the relationship is making all the sacrifices and changes in the world, but the other hasn’t moved an inch? Not to say that this is what happened in my relationship, but I have seen it time and time again.

I wasn’t always such a positive, confident person. There was a time that I didn’t think too highly of myself, where I felt like my life was worthless. I had hit, or thought that I had hit the bottom quite a few times in the last couple of years. I still smiled on the surface, because I didn’t want anybody to know that I was going through. I turned to the bottle for my vice, I turned to other people for advice. All the while the people who I needed to speak to were right there in my home.

Even until the very end, pride wouldn’t allow for me to admit certain things. Now that I know there is nothing left to salvage, due to nobody’s fault but my own (apparently), I live alone. I mean, all isn’t lost in my life. I have two beautiful, intelligent, healthy little boys. I still love the woman that birthed my children and put up with me for the last seven years. I know somebody is going to ask, well, why don’t you work things out then?  The short answer is we have, or at least, I have done all that I could do. It’s no longer up to me, I gave up my option. But it’s not too late for someone else out there that may be experiencing the same type of pain that we endured.

Anyway, like I said before, my intent was not to air out my dirty laundry. I know by reading this, that somebody may walk away feeling like what I typed was messed up or whatever but it don’t matter. I’m no better than anybody out here, I’m not afraid to share my pain, to tell my story, to try and inspire folk to live to their fullest.

I do and say all these things so hopefully you won’t have to. That is a part of our existence as humans. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has experienced many of the things in my life and I definitely won’t be the last. I don’t want to come off like I’m dismissing and minimizing the severity of some of these issues that people face, but the fact remains, you are not the only one. We can laugh together, cry together, smoke and drink together. But if you allow pride to get in the way of too much, you may never get to experience the joys that life may bring.

So my question to everybody is, do you consider yourself to be a prideful person?  Have you ever experienced a situation in your life where pride played a factor, whether it was detrimental or profitable? This is the first post of many which I hope will serve to help us all understand each other a lot better. I don’t have all the answers, I may be wrong about 90% of the stuff that I wrote in this blog today, but you know what, based on my life experiences and the knowledge and wisdom that I have accrued over the years, I feel convicted enough in my feelings that I will come out and say how I feel. Now if new revelations begin surface, then I am humble enough to take a step back, reevaluate my position, acknowledge my shortcomings and keep it moving. But that’s a whole other topic.

As always, I’ll still luv ya tomorrow….

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6 comments

  1. Sonya

    This is definitely one of the best blogs I have read and I am looking forward to many more from you. I feel you on a lot of things that you are saying. I believe that everyone at some point in their lives allow pride to get in the way of major opportunities that come their way. A few years ago, I know I let my pride, anger, and negativity decide many things in my life. Unfortunately, I am still working on the pride and negatvity part. I guess that is a part of growing up. But I have finally got a hold of my anger and I feel like I am on the right path in my life. And I use to think I was the only one thinking like this, but apparently not. Good job and keep it coming!

    • bonebody

      Thanks for coming through and sharing your comments as well. Anger is definitely one of those other things that comes along with pride. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. I might revisit this topic in a future posting and incorporate how these conditions affect our everyday dealings. But as long as a person is willing to acknowledge their shortcomings, accept responsibility for their part and try to apply the lesson learned, it can lead to a better understanding of self and act as a catalyst for positive growth. Like you told me, nothing happens overnight. It takes time and patience to heal all things. Definitely stay tuned and keep the convo going. Tell a friend, let’s learn to talk with one another and see where we can go.

  2. maldonadofamily

    Congrats on your first blog Jimmy 🙂

    I always feel like people with too much pride are actually very vulnerable and scared, almost like a cover up. They dont want to seem weak. Too much pride can destroy any relationship. I am glad you have come to recognize you had a problem with being prideful and maybe you can apply that to your next relationship since you say there is no way you can patch things up with your ex wife.

    Do I consider myself to be a prideful person? Yes I am. However, I am prideful with everyone else but my husband. No one can say jack shit about my relationship because I feel in the end I am the one that’s in it, not you. I dont like to hear anything negative about my children or my husband and you would rarely hear me vent, I’d rather keep it to myself or of course discuss any problems/issues I may have with my Hubby. Yes I agree with you when you said “When two people come together in front of God and confess their love for each other, that means that the two of you are now one. Holy matrimony or any other loving relationship, can only be successful if the two individuals balance one another.” I may have some stubborn moments as we all have but i’m quick to appologize to my husband, always willing to do whatever to make it work, and I will ride or die till the day we die. But thats just me.

    Looking forward to more blogs from you. Love you 🙂

    • bonebody

      Definitely feel you on that Mel. You bought up an interesting point about prideful people being vulnerable and scared. A person that hides behind their own pride, is afraid of exposing themselves. Well at least this has been the case in my experiences in life. And I also agree with the point that you made with not allowing outside people into your business, to a certain degree. It’s one thing to respect the sanctity of your union and to try and work things out internally, which every couple should, but sometimes you need outside assistance in order to help resolve certain issues. Am I saying run and tell all your friends your business? Hell nah, but you may need to confide in someone other than who you with, especially when you can’t communicate properly. Sometimes you need a medium or a mediator of sorts…

      But yeah, thanks for sharing…

  3. bonebody

    Yeah, it was rather tough to post this, only because it was so personal in nature. But I feel like in order for me to move on with my life, I need to be truthful about it all and confront my issues. Yeah, it’s a very public forum, but I’m comfortable enough in my own being to share myself with the world.

  4. Michelle Nicholas

    I applaud you for writing this. So much of what you said is true, and I know it took a lot for you to say some of the things you said. I hope your words and the words to follow will be of inspiration and guidance to others.

    At one point in my life I was a very proud person in regards to my feelings, and I let this interfere with my relationship. But a few years ago I realized the errors of my ways and vowed to improve my methods of handling emotional trauma. This is not an easy task for a proud person. It requires one to evaluate and be critical of one’s self. I am by no means perfect but I have come a long way.

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