“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence; a time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny; and a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.” ~ Gloria Naylor
Let me start off by asking a few questions: How do you determine who your friends are? Is there a list of attributes that must be present in this individual? Is there some particular criterion that must be met before you brand these individuals with such a title? How many of us can truly say that we have friends? People we can depend on, rely on, trust; individuals who are honest (even if it hurts), sincere, understanding, respectful. We all have our different definitions and ideals of what we would like for a friend to be, but we must also understand that the same rules and principles aren’t going to apply for everybody.
Over the past couple of years I have seen many “friendships” come and go. I would say that more than half of those associations came to an end over some type of misunderstanding. Sometimes, we have simply outgrown many of our associations. There comes a time when we must evaluate where we are going in life and determine whether or not the people we have around us are fully supportive of or fit into the grand scheme of things. We all have our lives to live, and while it may be wonderful to be able to keep and nurture every friendship that we have, it is not a totally plausible thing to do.
I have come to terms with the fact that, regardless of the nature of the friendships that we may have, we don’t owe anything to anyone (somebody near and dear reminded me of that). We owe it to ourselves to make the best decisions as it pertains to our own progression. If that means you have to cut a few people off, limit contact, keep your distance, then so be it. If the bond is strong, none of this should really matter. If you feel some kind of way because a person doesn’t reach out when you think they should, maybe it’s not that person that has an issue, maybe it’s you.
You see, we tend to get comfortable inside our own bubbles; forgetting that people have their own lives to live. For the most part, our relationships with others should be handled with care but we must respect the privacy of others as well. Not all details of a person’s life are up for discussion. While you may feel comfortable enough to share your life fully with your “friends”, your friends may not feel the same. Don’t get upset because this element isn’t reciprocated. There may be some underlying reasons as to why they are not so quick to divulge information about their lives. We must realize that all of us have our own beliefs and conduct our lives in various ways. We walk down different paths; we grow up and move in different directions. That’s the nature of things. All that we know is subject to change at some point so don’t get too comfortable with how things are today because the circumstances can much different tomorrow.
Let’s pause for a moment here and reflect. Think about the friendships that you have had through the years. Think about the fun times you’ve had; the times you’ve laughed; the times you’ve cried; the conversations, the debates, the arguments, the frustrations, the pleasantries; the moments of triumph, the moments of despair. Think about all of these experiences that you’ve gone through with your friends. Now, look at your life as it stands. How many of those friends are still around? How many do you still chat with from time to time? How many are living totally different lives than they did before? Are you happy for them, despite the limited roles they play? Do you even care to know what some of these people are doing with themselves? Do you wonder if they are thinking about you or even remember the times you have shared?
I find myself in a different space these days. One in which the nature of many of these relationships has changed significantly. I would hope that the people who have been a part of my life through the years understand and respect where it is I am in my life, but it really doesn’t matter. I’m going to do what I do, much like how others are going to do what they do. The strength of my relationships with my friends is not contingent upon how many text messages I send out, wall posts I like, calls I make, asses I kiss, etc. The true strength lies in knowing that despite whatever it is that I have gone through, there has been people who have supported it all or at the very least voiced how they felt about it in an honest manner. Whether it was changing careers or changing relationship statuses, there are people whose opinions and input I value more than others. However, in the end, it’s all on me. No matter how much people say what they say and do what they do, you, as the individual have to make a choice. I can’t stress this enough: we cannot live our lives for other people.
All in all, it is you who has to ultimately decide who remains a part of your life; who or what things have any relevance in your existence. Some people will say that you shouldn’t let other people come between your friendships, but I would say if you’re trying to build something significant with an individual then you are going to have to change the nature of some associations. That whole idea of “I was here before this person was thought” is noble and I agree to an extent, but if you were there before a particular phase or moment in that person’s life, then you should be there always, regardless of the situation, unless of course this person says they no longer want you around, or you make the decision to minimize your own role. Either way, we all have decisions to make and we must make decisions based on what is good for our own progression. We cannot please everybody, some feelings may get hurt in the process; what can I tell you? Such is life. But in the end what you must always remember is that there should be no love lost, if there is ill will then maybe they weren’t your true friend to begin with.
Like many of the things that I write, these are just my thoughts, things that I am feeling at the moment. I am subject to change it up at any given time. Everybody is entitled to their opinion. This is just my way of expressing my own feelings and I feel so compelled at times that I don’t mind sharing them the world. Hopefully by sharing myself in this manner, it will prompt others to reexamine their own thoughts and feelings; open up people’s minds to a different way of thinking. Thank you for allowing me to share myself with you. Forever Bone…
I’ll still luv ya tomorrow…..