4 Feb 2011


“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me… or leave me. Accept me – or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.  When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad – you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”

~ Stacey Charter

At first I was going to make this my status on Facebook, but then I got to thinking, I didn’t have enough characters on that site to voice what I really wanted to say. This quote opened my eyes up to what’s going on in life, not only in my own personal affairs, but in the lives of others that I know as well. This is something that, in all honesty, many people apply for themselves but don’t allow for others to determine the best route for themselves; a double standard of sorts.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander….

This expression has been used to reference the age old battle of the sexes. What’s good enough for women should be good enough for men (or vice versa).  It speaks to the equality, or lack thereof, between this perceived battle of man vs. woman.  In all actuality, it shouldn’t be this way.  We should all have some sense of equality or at least harmony between us.  We should all be able to respect and cherish each other’s thoughts and values.  We should all have the same rights and opportunities, but this has proven to be an uphill battle. 

Truth is what’s good for some is not good for all. We all understand things on different levels; we al have our different thresholds for tolerance and fortitude as it pertains to our relationship with people. Some folk can see eye to eye, while others have no idea of what is going on. Some people are easier to deal with or talk to than others are. The very people that we hope can understand or relate to us or that should be the “only” ones we turn to for clarity and understanding, turn out not to be so helpful. Some folk can do whatever it is that they want to do or say whatever it is that they want to say or feel however it is that they want to feel; but let you voice your opinion, let you feel some kind of way and it blows up into a war or wits and words, which more times than not could have been avoided if an individual just took the time to look at how their actions are impacting the situation, rather than trying to c0ntrol.

At times we pay the price for things that other people have done which have absolutely nothing to do with us.  This can range from having unresolved issues from previous ventures or relationships, to how you have treated others or chose to deal with certain situations in your past.  No matter what it is, you have to be careful not to allow those situations to dictate how you continue on with your life.  Simply put, don’t make others suffer for your past dealings, failures, etc; it’s not their fault.  You can make the argument that someone else has actually caused you harm and as a result this is how you are going to live your life.  I won’t take anything away from what has happened to a person.  But in the end, you cannot expect for people to put up with what you give them or how you treat them.  I challenge you to look at the relationships that you have right now and really evaluate how you are handling things.  Are there things that can be misconstrued as being unfair?  Are you the type of individual that lives by the mantra “do as I say, but not as I do”?  Some people aren’t even aware that they act out in this fashion, but they do.

Who Am I?

For those who are uninitiated, I consider myself to be a pretty happy go-lucky fellow.  I have a good head on my shoulders, convicted in my thoughts and beliefs, confident in my abilities to perform many functions.  Those of you that know me also know that I enjoy a good laugh, like to see smiling faces, a great conversation.  I’m not without my flaws.  I feel pain, I get upset, I cry, I tend to overreact and overanalyze things. I can be rather passive when it comes to dealing with certain people, especially if these are people that I have an emotional attachment to. But I am also very loyal (almost to a fault), trustworthy, understanding and as honest as I can be.

I love people, I love interacting with them, I love sharing ideas. I thrive off of mental stimulation. I’m no apologist but I have been prone to appeasing others. I don’t always take my own advice, although I should.  Although I have this perceived confidence in myself, I struggle with fully believing in myself at times.  But I am who I am.  I try to respect those who are around me and take all sorts of things into consideration, especially when I am involved with someone.  We all have to have that respect for those who we are dealing with on a more intimate level.  Some things will and must change.  There are some people who you will no longer be able to have certain conversations with and what not.  Some people you just have to completely let go of and I have done this because I am willing to make compromises, especially if they are going to be beneficial to my growth and fall in line with my higher level goals.

I don’t think I’m a very difficult person to get along with.  I try to make myself approachable and available, but I’ve learned that I can’t always be there for people like I want to.  I’ve learned that I don’t have all the answers, that I can be wrong about things.  I’m willing to admit my failures and shortcomings.  I am even willing to take responsibility for my part in every situation, even if I had nothing to do with it.  I find myself constantly at war with some core elements of my existence.  Not war in the sense of bloodshed, but more of an internal conflict; one in which I am constantly challenging and questioning the things that I do, how I think, etc.

Admittedly, I have also found that I don’t love myself as much as I thought I did.  I love the people around me more than I love myself.  I love my children, I love my fiancé, but it just feels as though I am still lacking something.  This may seem like a contradiction to one of my previous posts [cannot give something to others that you do not possess yourself] but this is something that, as of late, I find myself struggling with.  I guess that’s why the quote that I began this post with resonated with me so much.  I am who I am.  I’m not that difficult to get along with, but I am not a simple person with simple thoughts and needs.  I can’t be who people want me to be.  I don’t think I need to change but so much, but it feels like I am becoming someone that I don’t even recognize.

Well, I guess such is life.  We go on feeling our way through it, hoping we are doing the right thing.  We can’t make everybody in our lives happy, we are not always going to agree, the sun isn’t always going to be shining, and the fruit is not always going to be ripe.  The road is not always going to be smooth one to traverse; the landscape contains many valleys and peaks, slopes and depressions but the path never stops, unless you choose to stop moving.  We can’t avoid all of the pitfalls nor can we really predict what’s up ahead.  The best we can do is to keep forging forward, adjusting our course when necessary; try to prevent ourselves from staying on a plateau.  Even if we find ourselves on that plateau, don’t look at it as a negative, take that time to reflect and continue the journey. 

I will do my best to continue to move forward, I may not get it right today, but as long as I have life, I have a reason; as long as I have breath, I have a way.  I have to get back to the basics though.  I have to remember that, no matter what, it’s all on me.  This is not to say that I won’t require assistance, that I won’t need support, because we all do.  We are interdependent on each other to continue our existence.  I can’t go at this alone but I know that I can’t be co-dependent on anybody to get it done.

These are just my thoughts, right or wrong, good, bad or indifferent, this is just what I’m feeling at the time.  If you can relate, then that’s great, if not, I’m certain at some point you will.  Be blessed, be free and to thine own self be true.

I’ll still luv ya tomorrow….

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