Father’s Day….

Dear Father,

Although you were never there when I wanted and needed you the most, you still taught me some very invaluable lessons.  Among  those was to own up to my responsibilities as a man foremost, and also to be a dad to the children that I fathered.  Not sure if I am the only child that you fathered that doesn’t have a relationship with you, but rest assured I have one with ones that I have.  You see, there were many times that I wanted to give up and do other things in my life, but I would have only been contributing to the delinquency of those children and would have been guilty of a dereliction of my duties as their patriarch.  Despite the fact that their mother and I are no longer involved, it doesn’t negate my role as their parent and provider.

But then again, I don’t know anything about who you were or what the circumstances of your absence truly were.  That’s not to say I’m giving you a pass, but it’s something that I’d rather not dwell on any longer.  I’ve spent years trying to figure out I felt so forsaken, but then I realized that you did do something right.  You gave me the motivation to accomplish the things that I have accomplished.  Now, I don’t want to be unfair to you at all.  I will not speak negatively at all about you, not that I don’t want to, but because I can’t.  In order for me to speak about any person, place or thing, I like to know the facts before opening my mouth.  I’ve spoken out of place once too many times in my life, so I’ve learned to be more reserved and gather information before weighing in on any given topic.

I’ve made my share of mistakes in life; at times I felt like I have been less than a stellar parent, but it all fades away every time I hear them say “Daddy!!!”.  Every time I enter the same space as them and we embrace; every time we spend time doing something together; every birthday, every holiday, every regular day.  I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what I do because they will always love me.  And despite us never meeting, never sharing any words, never sharing any moments, I will always love you……

“Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough.” ~ William Busch

In my opinion, there is no greater role in this world than being a dad or being a father to a child.  The moment a male becomes a dad or fathers a child, well let me speak for myself, the moment I became a dad, my whole world changed.  I knew at that moment that I couldn’t do the things that I was accustomed to doing.  All my dreams, all my desires had to be put on hold because I had to make sure that I was doing everything I could to set forth a positive example for my children to follow.

For the life of me, I can’t understand how any man that has children in this world could ever neglect them.  Don’t get me wrong, I understand that not all parties make it easy for a man to do their jobs but that should never stop you from trying anyway.  But on the real, if you didn’t want the responsibility, then you shouldn’t have put yourself in the situation.  That’s common sense.  There’s no “do-overs”, no restarts, no continues, NO.  You have to be a man about it and face the situation head on.  And women….  The same thing goes for you.  It’s too late to take it all back once you’ve laid down with one another.  These are things that should be thought about before engaging in said acts, but I know what it is.  Logic disappears when we lay horizontally, well for some folk I should say.  The blood begins to empty from our brains and enters other areas of our physiology.  So it’s no wonder why some people find themselves in seemingly impossible situations.

To the men that have accepted their roles as dads, I salute you.  Even the ones who are dads to children that they have not fathered, I salute you.  It takes a certain type of individual to accept such responsibility.  I know it’s not easy, but who said that it would be.  To you men I say continue to do what you do.  Continue to raise these children to be productive members of our species.  Don’t allow pride to affect how you conduct yourself.  Always do the right thing and provide a positive example for your children to follow.







One comment

  1. VGB

    Read this for first time this morning.

    After reading this post, it became all too clear to me that even though your brothers knew their father, they too have been adversely affected, because of their sparse interaction with their dad.
    Let me say I apologize for being partially responsible for the pain you and your brothers endured for so many years.
    However, allow me to interject a bit of MY thoughts related to the place at which we all have arrived as a result of the actions taken by your biological parents.
    Although it has not been an easy journey, I am grateful that I took it, because, the three of you have been born into this world. I am sure along the way, despite our feelings of despair, anger and self destructive behaviors, we, individually manged to bring joy into at least one other person’s life. We should embrace the fact that we made it through the years tattered, broken and on the brink of giving up to the point of reflection to realize that we are stronger, more resilient and worthy of the blessings we ended up with. I feel that the ongoing struggles make it possible for us to share our stories with others to let them know and to remind ourselves we are not alone. Life has a way of working itself out. I thank God for you guys.
    Despite all the difficulties that we have endured, I salute you for becoming such fine MEN.
    Jimmy you MUST pursue the path of pen to paper; your writing abilities has brought me, your mother, from the brink, imagine the fulfillment of helping others.

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