For The Record


A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. ~ Winston Churchill

I wasn’t even going to write this blog to be quite honest. I’m at a very different place in my life and quite frankly, certain things are just beneath me; certain things should not even be dignified with a response. But when the aim is to discredit my character or to bring dishonor to my being then I am left with no choice but to defend myself.

For the record, I’m not a perfect person. I’ve made many mistakes in my life. I’ve done some things that I am not too proud of. But the one thing that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that I’ve never put anything before my children. The fact that I am who I am right now and where I am in my life is all because of my children. Their existence is the core reason why I do the things that I do and act the way that I act.

Say what you will about some of the decisions that I’ve made; call me an asshole, be upset with me, I don’t care. But don’t ever, ever try to label me as an uncaring and irresponsible parent. Since the day they were born I have always provided them with everything that they needed. I have strived to ensure that they had everything that they absolutely needed: shelter, food, love. I wish I could be by their side 24/7 but the reality is that it is not possible. I have to do and have done all that I could possibly do to ensure that I can provide for them. I’ve ended associations, changed careers, moved from place to place, gone outside my comfort zone all so that they would never be without.

I’ve bent over backwards, gone without certain things, made unpopular decisions, I could go on and on but the fact remains that I know that I am, first and foremost, a MAN and a loving, caring and passionate father. So when some disparaging comments about who I am were brought to my attention, I was taken aback. I actually chuckled a bit because it was painfully obvious that this individual is either delusional or is so upset that I have been able to move on with my life, so empty and void within their being that they are choosing to tell lies to the world about me.

Maybe this person thought that things wouldn’t get back to me. I don’t know but always remember that there are two sides to every story. I mean, how a person can sleep at night knowing that they are living a lie and spreading falsehoods or to try to profit at the expense of others is baffling; it’s rather sad because I have bent over backwards and in some cases went against my better judgment but it seems like it was all in vain. Nothing I have ever done was good enough.

Now I could easily return shots down range but, as I mentioned, some things are just beneath me. I know the truth, those that are close to me know the deal and even the person sending shots in my direction knows what’s really going on but I guess this the way they are choosing to cope with things. I could be a REAL asshole if I wanted to be and in many ways I would be justified in doing so but that’s not who I am. I’m fully capable of acting in said manner but I don’t always direct it towards the right people or things. I have projected my feelings and negative energy onto people who didn’t deserve it and for that I truly apologize.

So I will continue to live my life as I have been. I will only do what I am obligated to do at this point, that’s just how it has to be. I will continue to bust my ass to make sure that my children know that they have a father that takes care of their needs, I may not always be there physically but I will never stop doing what I have to do to provide for them. Which leads to another thing that was said: my kids have never cried on the phone to me about wanting to see and me saying no.

Everybody in the know understands what I do for a living, even my children. I travel a lot for work, not by choice, but because I have to. If I were a lesser person then I’d quit my job, which helps to provide a stable environment, I wouldn’t call them, I would have moved to Timbuktu and ignore my responsibilities as a parent. That’s not me but people have others believing that I’m some sort of deadbeat dad, who lacks compassion and is self-absorbed.

I’m not going there… I will end things like I always do, on a positive note. I don’t harbor any negative feelings, I wish everybody well in their lives.

I’ll still luv ya tomorrow….

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One comment

  1. VGB

    Just read this. The pain that you are feeling is radiating in every word and I am positive hat each breath you take causes your heart to ache. Keep doing what you are doing; the truth outlives a lie every time! I will always love you for your compassion and perseverance.

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