The character of a person is not solely based on the words that they speak, but in the way they carry out those words. ~ Jim
You know, some people would say that I’m a vain individual for quoting myself. Ordinarily I’d agree. I mean, who do I think I am to sit up here and post these blogs and try to make myself seem more important than I really am or that I am this deep thinking individual? Acting like I got it all together, when in actuality, I’m struggling just as much as any other person out here.
Who do I think I am? I don’t think I’m anybody but me and that’s the reason why I’ve been the way I have been as of late. You see, for so long, I’ve tried to be who others wanted me to be; do the things that others expected me to do. Where has that gotten me? Sitting back listening to the problems of the world, taking on other people’s energy, neglecting my own interests, watching my life force dwindle.
It even got to the point where I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror, or so I thought I didn’t. Truth is, I didn’t really know who I was. At first it was a rather scary thought but once I started to embrace the fact that I didn’t really know who I was, things started to change for me. I started to care more, not about what others wanted from me or for me, but more so what I wanted and needed for myself.
What I needed was to get rid of the dead weight; thoughts and actions that were holding me back. You’d be surprised how your life changes and how insignificant certain things are once you realize you no longer need them; that includes certain people as well. In some ways I could have handled these changes in another fashion, but then again I don’t believe I would have changed at all. I’d probably still be doing the same things with little results or regard for others. It had to stop sometime.
So yeah, I’ve changed. I don’t talk to the same people anymore, I don’t do the same things that I was doing. I’m in a different zone. I used to watch the world around me live as I slowly withered away. Not anymore though. I used to feel a way anytime somebody said something I didn’t necessarily agree with (and with the exception of my blog “For The Record”) I just shrug my shoulders and keep it moving.
I realized that I just have to do me. At the end of the day these bills gotta get paid. My wife and I gotta eat, I have obligations that need to be met, responsibilities that cannot be shirked. I was tired of being all words and no actions; all fizz but no pop; tired of giving out pretty good advice only to be ignored, not just by others but ignored by self. Who does that? Apparently me….
Not any more though but then again, I can show you better than I can tell you….
I’ll still luv ya tomorrow…..