It Is What It Is….

You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. – Chuck Palahniuk

It’s been a minute since I’ve shared my thoughts. I feel like Howard Beale in the movie “Network” (awesome freaking movie by the way), I’ve run out of bullshit you see. There isn’t too much left to talk about that hasn’t been said already (read: trying to overcome this writer’s block and think of something worthwhile to write about).

I’ve come to the realization that people no longer want to be educated, they don’t want to be enlightened, don’t want to engage in anything meaningful anymore, they don’t care about anything that exists outside of their own world. In fact, people believe that they are the center of the universe and that the world needs to cater to them; that they need not contribute anything but expect to receive everything. Nah, people want to be entertained, people want to be coddled, and we don’t tell the truth to each other anymore because we don’t want to offend this one or that.

As I said, people want something for nothing; they feel entitled to certain things because of their “status” or because of their position or because of their past accolades or achievements. They feel as if they are special and deserve preferential treatment “just because”. It’s an attitude I see with my fellow citizens of the United States. “We are America, we are exceptional”. I’m sure the Romans felt like they were exceptional before that empire fell; I’m sure the Mayans felt like they were the greatest civilization before they ceased to exist; I’m quite sure dinosaurs didn’t feel like they could be dominated by anything, but where are they now?

I’m just saying, I’ve ran out of encouraging things to say. I’m done with acting as if nothing in the world bothers me or that I’m this “happy-go-lucky” or well reserved and mild-mannered man. I’m tired of mediocrity. I’m tired of ungrateful people. I’m tired of other people’s bullshit and drama. I’m just tired. I’m tired of everybody feeling as if their problems are unique and that they are more special or different than the next person because they have a certain belief system or because they are part of certain cultural background or because they  are part of a certain political party. I’m just tired.

What I’ve come to understand as the truth is that none of us are any different; we are all pretty much the same; it is how we relate to things and how we perceive things to be that makes the difference. We have been conditioned to believe in certain things, or to act in certain manners. We have learned to love and to hate. We have learned what is proper or appropriate and what is not proper or not appropriate.

We live in a society that celebrates depravity and rewards nothingness. Everybody is a winner no matter what, nobody really knows what defeat feels like. We feed off negativity more than positivity because that’s what we have come to expect. We are skeptical of people’s intent because hey, nobody is that nice for nothing. We live in a society where the mantra is what’s in it for me rather than what can I do to make it better for somebody else. This is a selfish world that I find myself living in.

But maybe it’s not the world that’s so fucked up and selfish. Maybe I’m the selfish one. Maybe it’s my own interpretation or perception of how I see things that is really skewed. Maybe nobody can relate to what it is that I’m saying because I don’t want it that way. Maybe I feel like I’m the center of the universe and nobody else matters. Could be that I’m merely projecting how I feel deep down about myself onto the world. Yeah, that’s the ticket; let’s blame everybody or every other thing in the world for what’s wrong. It could never be me; I could never do any wrong.

Hahahaha…. Where is all of this coming from? There’s really no catalyst for it. I just have an overactive mind and I’m in a place with limited contact. I’m ranting right now; rambling off whatever thoughts enter into my mind, trying to break this writer’s block that I’ve been having.  I’m just ready to be home and get back to my wife, see my children and begin to live life fully, one day at a time. That’s all I can do, that’s all I want to do. That’s what makes me happy and I plan on doing just that; pursue my happiness, be free and make my life something special to me. It may not have too much meaning to anybody else, but at the end of the day, does that really matter?

I’ll still luv ya tomorrow…..



    • jimcolv

      It’s just been bubbling up for a while I guess. I just had one of those moments where I threw my arms up and said to hell with it. Felt pretty good to get it out of my system too.

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