The following post is based on a conservation that I actually just had with myself @ approximately 9:30pm local Afghan time on November 14th 2012. I probably talked myself into a freaking circle here. I started out with a clear path of what I wanted to discuss but I think I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque on my way to Pismo Beach. But like I said in my bio, these are just my thoughts. Whether they make sense or whether people can relate to them is not relevant. I just like to share what I’m thinking with the world. This is my blog and I’ll do whatever the hell I want…. Haaaaa!!! Enjoy…. I guess…
When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. ~ Alexander Graham Bell
“If that were me, I would have done it so much differently”. “If I could only have more time to make things right”. “Damn, I should have just did it when I had the chance”. Sound familiar? These are all things that some people have found themselves saying at some point in their life. I know I have. Like when you see somebody doing something that you feel is the “wrong” way of doing it.
“Would” is the past tense of the word “will” which usually refers to a desire, choice, consent or in negative constructions refusal. It can also be used to refer to the possibility of or capability of something. People seem to think that, if the shoe was on the other foot, they would somehow fare better if put into the same situation. A lot of times there are circumstances that we are unaware of that have led individuals to be in, seemingly, messed up situations.
There’s one story in particular that one of the soldiers that I taught a class to had told me. He was on an 18-month deployment. Upon coming home, he saw his kids; all hugs and smiles. He turned and saw his pregnant wife and the smiling stopped. They returned home and after a brief argument, the soldier called his supervisor and said that he needed a place to stay; that he was unable to stay at his home. The supervisor bewildered about the request asked what was wrong. The soldier told his supervisor that his wife was pregnant. The supervisor was still rather puzzled; he couldn’t understand why the soldier wasn’t happy to be home with his pregnant wife. Turns out that during this 18-month deployment, the soldier never took R&R. His wife was six months pregnant upon him returning from his tour.
What would you have done in that situation? Many people would say things like, “if that was me, I would do this, that and the third” or “that would never happen to me because this or that”. But honestly, once some situations occur, you probably wouldn’t be able to react how you thought you would. We can say how we think we may react but we may never know what we are actually going to do until the time comes.
“If only I could” is probably one of the saddest things a person can say. I mean the saddest part about that is the word “if” but that’s not the focus right now. The word “could” is the past tense of the word “can”; meaning having the ability to do or an understanding of or indicating the possibility of something. In my experience, this word has also been a way of individuals leveraging things. People sometimes use “could” as a way of having a hold card or keeping some sort of advantage.
Why would (ha, there goes one of those words) you hold something from someone? Especially if your ability or knowledge of something could (there goes another one) affect the outcome of somebody else’s situation? I commented on this post of a blogger that I have recently began following about how we, as a people, have become more of a self-serving people rather a people willing to help one another out. It’s as if we have become crabs in the barrel and we’re stepping on each other trying to position ourselves to come out on top. Not saying that everybody does this, I’m just saying that this is what I have observed and experienced in my own life.
The last one is my favorite. The word “should” which is past tense of the word shall refers to having command over something or making something mandatory. When people say that you should do something, they are usually reminding someone of an obligation or expressing some sort of condition; like you should go to school or you should leave this person.
It’s interesting if we take a step back and analyze all the words. They all pretty much mean the same thing. The difference is the state of being. We begin things with a desire to do something. That desire then turns into the capacity to make it happen. However, action is not always taken unless the person is obligated to do so. But all in all, in my observational thought here, these things can lead to regret especially if a person ponders on things too long. And regret can be the enemy of any individual.
In this day and age, there are way too many emotional choices being made. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t be emotional but emotions don’t have to play such a huge role in the decision making process. Sometimes emotional decisions can be good before moving through the different stages; I would do this, I could do this, I should that but I won’t, I can’t and I shouldn’t because of x, y, z. Maybe the effects of that decision would be far greater than what the person is willing to accept or handle. Maybe the affects of a decision could cause great harm or something.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda, but uh… Just do something or do nothing, the choice is yours. At the end of the day, whether a person will, can or must, just be willing to accept whatever comes next.
I’ll still luv ya tomorrow…..