I lost my voice, I lost my desire to communicate, I lost the passion that I had for so many things that I once did in my life. People may look at those things or hear these words come out of my mouth and think that there is something wrong. At first I believed that there was something with me. Typically, when a person loses interest in things, withdraws from society, changes moods, etc, the next thing you hear is “so and so has lost it”, “why has so and so changed?”, “such a tragic end to such a promising life” or “he/she never showed that anything was wrong”. No need for alarm, this is not a cry for help. I have no desire or thoughts of harming myself or others.
I’m just going through some changes in life, everyone does. I am no longer the person that I was. I no longer do the things that I used to do. I no longer communicate how I used to communicate. There’s no underlying reason, nothing that I can pinpoint myself at least. I’m sure any number of people that have been a part of my life at some point could speculate on what has bought upon this change, but that’s about all it would amount to, pure speculation. I’m just trying to make sense of it all.
What I’ve come to so far is that things are just the way they are. No big mystery, no ulterior motives. I’m trying to get along the best way I can. Something that I’ve always done but never seemed to fully appreciate or accept. For me, everything had an angle, everything had to follow some type of logic. But what I found lately is that some things just don’t make sense and that’s fine. Not everything needs to be announced or forecasted. Some things are better played close to the chest. I understand the risks involved with keeping it all in and not being able to communicate that to others. I used to be an open book. I used to have no problem with articulating how I feel. Now I’m indifferent.
Anyway, the show must go on. I still have responsibilities and obligations to meet. Still have a mortgage, a marriage and children. I have people that depend on me, so I have to continue to push somehow. I’m sure this too shall pass; this feeling of indifference.
Some motherfucker’s are always trying to ice skate uphill. ~ Blade
First and foremost, I’d like to say… Know what… I’m not going to say s***. Glad to see that you all made it through the Mayan catastrophe. I was out here laughing my ass when December 23rd rolled around and the world was still spinning; that should teach some people that believe in fairy tales and myths.
So now it’s a brand new year. Some people have made all types of resolutions: losing weight, make more money, be happier, slap more people, etc. But if history and time are any indication of the lives that a lot of people lead, most of those promises that people made to themselves will be forgotten about by February, if they haven’t already given up completely already.
Want to start the year of talking about how Karma is a bitch. Yeah I said it. I happen to believe in the theory of Karma. Some people call it cause and effect or the natural effects of causation, others call it reaping what you sow. I call it the bitch that will get you when you least expect it. The energy we put out in the world will somehow find its way back to you. I believe that’s a natural law of our existence and physics; what goes up must come down, yada yada…
You keep f****** people over and one day you will end up on the raw end of that deal. It may not get you now, it may not get you in a couple of years but eventually that bitch is going to pay you a visit and all you can do at that point is hold that. I’ve had my share of Karmic energy coming back. I wasn’t always a forthcoming cat or cared much about what was going on, as long as I was able to get mine, everything was Kool and the Gang in my book. But that’s not how this life operates.
There comes a time when one must accept responsibility for their actions and be willing to face the consequences of their decisions; good, bad or indifferent. This is one of many life lessons that I’ve learned. I’ve also learned that it’s alright to admit when you’re in over your head or that you simply don’t know the answer to everything. It’s not wise to pretend do so because you only end up looking like a fool in the end.
Honestly I’m tired of doing the same stuff all the time. I try to do the right thing but end up on the wrong side. I’m not usually one to make resolutions, so here’s my promise: F*** it, I’m done. Whatever happens the rest of the year, so be it. I tried being the bigger person, I tried being sensible but apparently a person has to act a fool in order to get their point across. I’m willing to accept whatever comes with that.
So say goodbye to the good guy…. Bone is back.
That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow…
What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others.
I remember back when I was a little boy, probably first or second grade, I learned one of the most valuable lessons of my life. It’s a lesson I’m sure many people learned when they were children; a lesson so simple, yet so difficult to put into practice. Continue reading